Well, today was the last day of my project, and this day felt just the same.  I didn't feel the wave of nostalgia that I expected.  There wasn't a rushing river of excitement for this to be over or a wave of sadness that such an integral part of my life has passed.

Tomorrow will be just like any other day.  I will wake up and decide what to wear in the course of three seconds and move about my day.  I will go to psychology and gateway just like I always have this semester.  I will sit and laugh with those around me.  I will eat like a college student unsure of his next meal.  I will live the next day trying to learn how to be a college student.  This is still difficult.

The one thing that will change is a label.  Since this project, I have had the identification of someone who isn't allowed to lie.  Everyone around me knew that I had to spit out the truth no matter what I wanted.  Now, there is something liberating about having the ability to lie.  Something about being able to say no grants me a humanness.  I am not a person with a robotic answering system.  I have the ability to tell lies.  This may scare some of my friends, but to me, it means that everything I say now has more worth.  It carries more worth simply because it didn't have to be there.  Truth doesn't have to arrive now.  It can simply be absent.  Now, with the option of whether or not to appear, the truth is left with a choice.  It can either step on the journey, or it can let life pass by, whistling and singing about it's adventures along the tracks.  Though the conductor may scream, the people may file, the truth, to me, has a choice.  When given that choice, I hope I let truth step on and join the ranks of faith, peace, and understanding.

One thing that truth has taught me is to question what is before me.  As Zechariah proclaimed God's message or refining His people, so I will refine everything around me.  Sure, the basics of Christianity and morality will still apply, but if I am not willing to challenge what I view as truth beyond these things, am I not settling for mere knowledge?  Am I settling for the grains of sand instead of looking to the ocean?  In this, I have found a place for a rebel that has been settled inside of me.  Was Jesus not a rebel?  What he not a heretic?  Did He not challenge all of the teachings of the religious leaders?  Have we forgotten that we are a people formed by an outcast, a rebel?  What about Him is an institution?  What defines him as denomination or dogma?  In this way, my project will carry on.  I will carry this on to challenging how I see Christianity as a relationship with God, not as a defining factor for a voting ballot.  I will challenge what society has formed in it's pursuit of comfort and what it claims to have borrowed from the Church.  What would it look like if we completely ignored the American dream?  What would it look like to live selflessly in all things?  What would it look like to ignore a 401k and live for the sustenance of God rather than the safety net of money?  I am perfectly willing to be harsh on the Church.  If I cannot question and ask of a church, then what validation does it have from God.  If a church is not grounded in God and cannot handle hard questions, then it is a dry field.  Sure, God is holy in all things and sovereign amongst all creation, but intentional ignorance to supply comfort is despicable to me.

Dr. Brown told us that when he really started learning, he came away having more questions than answers.  We will always have answers in this life.  I guess we just have to be ok with always having a question and not always having an answer.  That does not mean that I will ever stop looking though.  To me, Christianity has become a mixture of rebellion, peace, wisdom, and love.  We have to be rebellious to be equipped to make a change in this world, peaceful enough to know we can't fully change it, wise enough to trust God in all things, and loving enough to extend His hand to every corner of the world.  That is my mission.

Tomorrow is the final day of the Truth project.  It seems strange to almost be done.  I have finished my rough draft, I have no more labor intensive work left, the job is almost done.  I may keep the idea of telling the truth always.  I know that at least for awhile, I won't be able to lie purely out of habit.  I got so used to never second guessing myself that I have to remember what it is like to process.

Tomorrow will be a huge transition for me.  I get to see how everyone else did.  I know there are some projects out there that were done so that not much work would be involved and there are those projects out there that changed some of my classmates lives.  Those are the ones that I want to hear about.  i want to hear how total perspectives were changed.  I remember one girl in my class was observing life through homelessness.  I will definitely follow up with her.  I remember there was a guy in my class living like a muslim.  I'm sure I'll be baffled by the stories he will tell.  I can also not wait to see Andy.  I only mention his name in here because I am sure he will not mind.  He did the yes man project where he had to agree with everything.  In an effort to bring some personal joy and liveliness to his project, I had him to everything I could think of.

I know that Wednesday Andy will come after me.  I am totally ok with that.  I know that guy had so much to write about in his essay that he could have written 3 times the number of pages needed.  In a certain respect, I know I made him do things out of my own amusement, but I also know that God called him to this project, so I made him experience everything he could possibly be a part of.  He may not learn lessons from the individual instances thrust upon him.  I hope that he does get the overall message.  Now that I look into everything that I made him do, I can see a lesson in all of them.  I will not post these lessons now, because he could be watching and that would be cheating.  Haha Andy.

I got to talk to my teacher Mrs. Velazquez about what the Bible says about truth.  She lead with John 8:32.  This verse is the one where it says that the truth will set you free.  I like this verse but it seems to be overdone.  Maybe I can glean some more wisdom from that verse.  Also, since she seem to not have that much time, gave my John 1:1 to look at.  She told me to look deeper into the ideas mentioned and the correlations of God and truth.  That should be interesting to dig deeper into verses so often cast aside.

I am almost done with this paper we have to do over our projects.  I am somewhat nostalgic about this whole process.  It seems almost weird for this project to be over, I have been crusading this cause for almost a month now.  What am I supposed to do now?

What is strange is that this paper did not take that much effort to write.  Usually, we as students can just crank out essays without much effort.  In this case, I wrote this essay without really stopping in between thoughts.  Sure, so far I have taken breaks, but when I return, I always type like a madman.  It seems almost natural to be doing this.  There was one other paper that came so simply to me.  Senior year I wrote a paper abou the book Ender's Game.  It was a story that challenged ideas and moral.  It shaped the way that people view what is right and wrong.  I almost can wait to be done.

With all of this talk of truth, I have had a constant correlation to what I want my future career to be.  I want to be a counselor.  Whether this be in sessions in a room, or in homes, I know that I will always be counseling people.  I find that no matter the circumstance, I always want to care for people and help them through whatever they are going through.  I love the idea of sitting down with someone for hours on end and talking through everything that is going on in their head and in their life.  I actually do not get drained mentally or emotionally at all.  More than anything else, I get hungry from sitting for so long without eating.

The important thing for me to remember is the fact that I will have to keep myself grounded in the word and in the Spirit.  If I am to be a help and not a crutch to people, I have to be centered in what gives me strength.  I have to keep my eyes on God so that I do not stray from the truth that is in Him.  I have found that when I try to counsel under my own understanding, my words are not nearly as helpful and seem to drag on any conversation.  When I am God focused, hours seem like minutes, problems seem like dust under foot, and life seems solvable.  There was a study that I found that showed the importance of spiritual centeredness in counseling.  I may keep this one saved away somewhere to read again when my counseling journey really starts.

  http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=8&hid=4&sid=025a89a4-b64e-4b8a-9773-96aa8e5178be%40sessionmgr10&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=a9h&AN=74728205

One of the biggest reasons that I feel that I lie is to avoid failure or avoid the recognition of failure.  I want to avoid this in any way possible.  I feel as though I should not fail in any circumstance.  This is probably due to the pressures that I put on myself.  I always have been able to do whatever I wanted without much effort involved.  One of those things included school.

I found out how intelligent I was recently.  Before I knew that, I always assumed that I was at a somewhat higher level and put an extreme amount of stress on myself.  If I am smart, I should be able to get an A no matter what right?  This piled on even more when I got a numerical value for my intelligence.  My thought process carried from I should be able to do this, to why in the world can I not do this?  In any case, at this point, if I cannot achieve what I want, or what I expect, even by a small margin, I failed.  I didn't just miss my target, I completely failed.  I am so hard on myself that it is ridiculous.

This idea of perfection also carries over into my physical expectations of what I can do.  I should be able to lift more, run more, do more.  Any time someone near my skill level does better than me, I have failed.  I know this is completely irrational, but it is what goes through my mind.  It's so weird that failure plays such a huge role in my life.  It's almost as if because I know I'm at a higher level in thinking, I should be able to do anything.

This seems completely stupid writing this out.  It also explains how I get frustrated so easily.  I'm going to reread this article I found to maybe get a logical perspective on how failure actually plays a role in people's life and mine specifically.

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=14&hid=117&sid=16329bd4-6bf5-4cd1-9d84-7fe594e7fde2%40sessionmgr113&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=pdh&AN=2011-25193-001

I conducted a survey with some of the guys in my dorm.  What I asked was: Do you think you could do my project and succeed, Do you think lying is necessary in our society, How often do you lie, and when was a time when you blatantly lie for your own self gain?  Some of the results were expected some of it was expected.

When I asked some of my friends if they could handle my project on their own, all of them said no.  That's kinda nice to know I'm doing something exemplary!  The main reason that my friends could not handle my project, is that they know they would lie.  This is kind of a simple idea, knowing that we all lie, but it made me reflect on my own achievements.  I really didn't accomplish everything that I wanted in terms of not lying.  I have lied some of the time.  I did not lie nearly as often, but I did lie.  One of my friends knows me pretty well and said that he would have a problem with not being able to fail.  Without that knowledge though, he said he would still fail.

Pretty much everyone agreed that lying happens in our society.  One even said that you need to lie to be in politics.  The election is coming up and we're talking about lying in the government.  Everyone agreed that we all lie and we all use it to keep relationships together.

The next question was a little harder to chew on.  I asked when was the last time that you blatantly lied for your own benefit.  One of my friends said that he lied to get away from people who were ruining his plans.  These girls apparently were driving him insane because he was trying to watch a debate and they wouldn't shut up.  It's funny how he's more interested in politics than girls.  He even invoked a spiritual need to fit what he wanted.  One of my other friends lies in a different way.  Rather than telling someone to their face, he simply leaves the situation.  He lies for comfort as a defense mechanism.  When an important event changed the way that his life was planned, he retreated into himself to protect his world.

From this survey, I have found that lying is extremely prevalent and that lying can take many forms.  Sometimes we know exactly what we are doing; sometimes we let lies slip by without thinking about it.  Maybe Paul had an idea about taking every thought captive.

Today was halloween and not a lot happened in the spirit.  Some friends and I went to the square to see what was going on.  We got some free candy, which was nice.  I didn't end up keeping it.  I gave my bag away to a friend.  For some reason I really didn't want it.  Now that I think about it, I didn't even hesitate.  I just went with what I was thinking.  That might be a sign that this project has been deeply ingrained in me.  Plus, with this whole eating healthier thing, I know that the candy isn't really going to help me.  So, I passed for health reasons and just because I really didn't want it.  It's kinda strange how even to the smallest things, this project has affected me.  I guess it really has seeped in.

Along with that, I also do not consider things much anymore.  I make a decision on what I want and what I think is right.  There really isn't a long mental process anymore.  Sure, this applies to only day to day things.  I do ponder on the heavy ideas and decisions that come upon me.  For the most part, life is based on truth for me.  This really has come to mean honesty with myself mainly.

Also, if I'm being honest, I am going to kill some of my dorm mates.  They are playing drums and guitar at 1 in the morning.  I'm not even joking; I will kill them in their sleep, whenever that may be.  I may not need beauty sleep, because I'm freaking gorgeous (that was a joke, ha ha), but I need some rest.  It's about to go down.  As i end this blog, their beating will ensue.  Goodnight world.

I have found numerous articles on lying and truth, and I found many articles on lying and truth.  This one is about lying.  It is short, brief, and to the point.  If you want to have a good understanding without putting an extreme amount of time and effort into researching the entire topic.  The basic idea that Business Ethics Quarterly puts out is that we will take opportunities to lie if it gives us an advantage.  Also, if we do not know the person that we are lying to, it makes it easier to do so.  If you would like to read on this topic, the link is below.

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=10&hid=5&sid=b158dbb8-f3bf-4714-b5d0-0d33d2b2e842%40sessionmgr4&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=buh&AN=66804214

I cannot state enough how much I am ready to be done with this project.  I stated before about how this project seems to cheapen the idea of truth in my mind.  In another way, it seems that learning about other people's projects has become a mundane and boring task.  I have to keep myself entertained with other student's projects.  Right now, I enjoy making those doing the yes man project do stupid and random things throughout the day.  Even with this source one entertainment, I still find myself losing the idea of fun in making my friends do stupid things.  I think everyone is done with this project.  It just seems weird still doing it.  It may have to do with the fact that every idea that everyone has thought of has already come and gone.  We have no way to keep ourselves engaged because everything that we wanted to do, we've already done.  Sure, there are a few that still enjoy their project, but for the most part, it seems, we're all done.  I'm glad I took part in this experience.  It has shaped the way that I view the world, but I'm ready to be able to fail again.  It seems almost human to be able to fail, and it seems like I don't even have the opportunity.

I decided to go outside of my project to see if there were any other ideas or projects similar to mine.  They didn't necessarily have to tell the truth all of the time, but they did have to observe or challenge what truth is.

The first one that I found is called the Mississippi Truth Project.  The idea behind this organization is to be open and honest about racial strife in the area.  For years, and often still today, the state of Mississippi has been known for a racial divide.  If you would like to read more, the link is below.
     http://www.mississippitruth.org/

Another link that I found also challenged an idea in society.  This time, the struggle was in the media.  A man by the name of Mr. Grevil was charged with crimes known as threat assessments   To sum up, he was accused because he told the truth on a subject.  He was on a project of truth.  He also had people behind him willing to back him up.  They did.  The link below is a letter that was written, mailed, and signed by his cohorts in crime to back up his story and morals.
     http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1451334/posts

The next thing I found is a very analytical and biblical view on what truth is.  This is simply done by a group called the truth project.  They list out many verses and bring ideas on them.  This, I found, is a very grounded way to look at truth from a biblical perspective.
     http://www.ccfhaz.com/online_messages/2009/10-11-2009_TTP_6_The_History_of_Truth.pdf

This link talks about how to introduce and influence young children on how truth can be used and how to identify it.  I think that it is a good thing to see how a basic idea can be given to someone who is not so far into life that learning what truth is would be a struggle.
     http://www.ehow.com/list_7593053_projects-telling-truth.html

The last article that I found is a blog.  This one is very similar to mine in that Del Tackett gives his honest opinion on whatever is happening.  That is the sole of what I wanted this blog to be.  A true insight into my mind for anyone willing to hear it.  He simply sees what happens in the world, and says what's on his mind.
     http://deltackett.com/

Going along with the idea of biblical truth, I asked some people what their views were on biblical truth.  The first question I asked was what does the Bible say about truth?  Mostly people answered with always tell the truth, God is truth, and the truth will set you free.  When I asked them what does the Bible say about lying, they would respond with don't do it and lying is a sin.  Finally, I asked is it ok to tell a white lie, and do you do it.  Most responded with the idea that even white lies are bad, some did not.  Almost everyone agreed that they tell white lies.  There are always a few who do not own up to it.  Overall, the survey showed how shallow we are about truth.  We simply take the idea of truth without examining it.  Sure, taking the idea of truth without question can be a solid foundation, but at this point in a student's life, I would imagine that truth would have sunk in deeper.  Don't get me wrong, I think that as a whole we do a great job at trying at the truth.  We also have a very kiddie pool understanding of it.

Since I am telling the truth in every circumstance, I am honestly ready for this project to be done.  I have so much information and teachings that I have acquired, that I could teach a whole lesson on this stuff.  Also, while this project was a great idea, I also think that it is holding me back.  Hear me out on this, the idea of always having to tell the truth seems honorable in and of itself.  The problem arises when the truth almost can seem cheap when you have no choice.  I recently watched a movie called equilibrium.  It is based around the idea that emotions are uncontrollable and should be taken out of the equation.  The issue is that when we take out our ability to feel we lose our humanity.  The main character realized that to be spontaneous  irrational, and having the ability to fail is human.  Part of what makes us who we are is the fact that at any moment, we could fall apart.  We feel, we fail, we fall in and out of what life gives us.  This roller coaster of life is what makes it worth living.  In the good times, we look for joy.  In the bad times, we look for hope.  That's what I want to live from now on.  I want to have a choice in the matter of what I say.  For without the ability to fail, my teaching is meaningless.

Often, truth is rooted in happiness.  We find comfort in knowing what we have in front of us and what is ahead.  The seeking of truth has roots in the desire for a well fulfilled life.  We want to belong somewhere and have comfort where we are.  People most often seek truth and a sense of security in religion.  When you can rely on something that is more powerful than yourself, you can take a breath and relax a bit.  So, in this idea, people involved in religion should be some of the happiest people around right?  Well, this is not always the case.  In a research study conducted at University of Illinois at Urbana–Champaign, the idea of religion equalling happiness was seriously challenged.  

The more that I delve into the idea of truth both internally and externally, the more I realize how we as people simplify things for comfort's sake.  It is simply easier for us to generalize and assume about the world around us than to actually dive into it.  We find simplification very often in the church.  We hear the same services over and over and assume that we know the story, understand the meaning, and are living the message.  This idea can be toxic.  When we simplify what is in the Bible or dumb down sermons ad nauseum, we lose the intrinsic and miraculous complexity in this world.  In turn, we find that God is boring, church is lame, and the pastors cannot teach us anything new.  This, I believe, is the essence behind the results of this study.  Religion and its followers can be measured in accordance with subjective well being or SWB.  While not completely accurate, this assumption of lifestyle=religious preference is enlightening.  If you would like to read more on this topic, the link is below.

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=8&hid=4&sid=f3545bb7-6ed6-4037-8c5f-aa23259af933%40sessionmgr10&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=pdh&AN=2011-16524-001

One thing that I have found interesting is the idea of imperfect truth.  This seems contradictory, but hear me out.  To know truth, is not to know whole and perfect truth.  As people, we are flawed, so our truth will always be skewed and incomplete.  Johan Becker was noted in a Christian Century publication as saying that his moral limits, or being imperfect will always make him incapable of fully conceiving truth.  If you would like to hear Becker's ideas on truth, you can use the link below to read it.  His portion of the publication begins on page 12.

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=285df366-6e99-4238-9edb-e3796f4f9661%40sessionmgr13&vid=8&hid=20

I have heard that the truth will set you free.  What people forgot to mention is that it is not pretty, or easy, or in the slightest way simple.  Truth seemed like a pretty one or two step process to claim.  You tell truth and truth is lived.  That is not even close.  Truth is messy, truth is unsanitary, truth is unnerving, and truth makes people uncomfortable.  Right now, I don't really like it.  Truth has opened so many doors for me, but has made progress past them extremely difficult.  Sometimes life seems so freaking complicated.  I have also heard that God has called people to live difficult lives because He has called us to higher things.  He also doesn't give us more than we can handle.  I'm having to face those ideas head on as I wonder where in the world I am called.  The truth is messy, sometimes it's murky, sometimes it's hard to see.  I just hope that I find it, whatever it is.

Well the truth has gotten me into trouble again.  The ideas themselves did not put me in bad situations, but more the fact that I did not hesitate with what I say.  I have equated the truth as telling whatever it is that is my honest opinion or is backed up by fact.  How this is played out is that I hold my tongue to lies, but let loose anything that isn't contradictory.  Unfortunately, this also means things that I probably shouldn't say.  It's weird to think that the truth has gotten me into trouble.  That is completely against what this whole project was about.  I think that this outcome is kind of stupid.  How in the world is truth getting me into trouble?  That is just frustrating.

Maybe what I thought this project was about and what reality was are two different things.  Maybe my idea of truth was partially to not let things be held back in my mind.  This is not to say that my sole purpose was to just blurt out everything that I'm thinking.  I honestly want to see what people think of the truth.  This is not the way that I wanted this project to go.  I hate hurting people's feelings and I feel personally responsible, but also throwing some blame on this project.  It has conditioned me to not think so much about the little things, and to think heavily on the things that truly matter.

In a way, this project has been good and bad, looking over the entire spanse of this undertaking.  For one, I am more honest with myself in both mind and action.  When people ask about my ideas, I get excited to share thoughts and feelings.  This is a very freeing thing to accomplish.  However, in multiple occasions I have jeopardized friendships because of simple what I thought.  That was not the intended outcome and I wish that path was never taken.  This has given me a good definition of what truth actually stands for.  I'm just not sure what that is yet.

One thing that I keep returning to when I delve into the idea of truth is what truth means to me.  I have long considered myself to be somewhat of a lockbox.  Nothing really goes in and not much of anything comes out.  That is simply the way my mind works.  This has also been my defense system.  In a way, this blog has become my outlet.  This is a peek into what my mind does and how it works.  For one, I never can really decipher what is going on inside my head.  There are literally too many things going on at once for me to focus on one thing.  So if my mind is truly focused, then it is both powerful and meaningful.  I have found that amongst the clutter and chaos I have found comfort.  Truth can get lost in the background sometimes.

Imagine a crowded city, not with just people on every corner, but cars honking and squealing breaks, signs vibrantly light in every directions, animals barking and yelling in every direction.  Imagine that even those people, those that are most like you among the chaos, cannot understand what you are saying.  Now, in this fog of information, find a way to communicate truth to someone else.  That is where my mind gets lost trying to find truth.  In the middle of all the different stimuli, try to focus on one thing.  Finding out what one thing means is like trying to read a book aloud in that crowded city.  This is a truth about my mind, and also how truth is lost among the sounds and sirens of everyday life.

This pivotal truth about myself is something that I have only realized recently.  When you hear chaos and confusion long enough, it becomes commonplace to not hear it.  This sounds contradictory, but I have become so accustomed to the idea of chaos, I do not necessarily understand what peace means.  Part of me, deep inside the doldrums of this chaotic city, knew this.  My tattoo means peace.  There has been something inside of me that has always wanted a true peace.  Since I have hardly ever experienced it, I do not expect it.  Since I do not expect it, I try to live without it.  When all of this comes to a head, I get lost in the chaos.  This is the truth that I have to face.  There is more than what I am seeing and experiencing.  I just don't quite know how to learn to listen to truth and quiet the noise around me.  This is my ultimate quest for truth, to learn what peace looks like, because I have never seen it.

My focus has now shifted slightly to specifically what Christians define as truth and how they live it.  I found a book called Living the Truth: A Theory of Action.  This gives a great real life idea for how the truth is to be lived out daily in a Christian way.  What I find really interesting is the way that Klaus Demmer brings together the idea of biblical truth with the everyday life.  This is an important tie that I believe that we as Christians often miss.  We try to live the truth, but never make the bridge from the Bible to our everyday lives.  If you would like to read this book online the link is below.

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=4&hid=23&sid=0b2ab541-9645-4325-b797-6affb029a689%40sessionmgr10&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=nlebk&AN=362037

The truth lately has gotten me into some deeper thinking and living.  I am starting to form relationships with people that I would not have previously have delved into.  Not only that, I also have formed deeper relationships with those around me.  It's hard to not get close to someone that you have to be blatantly honest with.

As I think about the past weekend, I cannot help but contemplate the whole idea of inner truths and inner lies.  What we tell ourselves for a long time, even years can affect the rest of our lives.  We all have things that we tell ourselves that we can just get over or forget.  Those things always come back, no matter how well we think that we stuff them.  The events that transpired as we were children will always affect our adult lives.  The better we learn to cope and live with these events and frustrations, better off we can be as people.

I cannot help but talk about this also.  God has been laying things out in my life that I extremely look forward to.  What makes me frustrated is to not see these things played out immediately.  I know God has His timing and all, but why make me sit and wait for what's right in front of me?  Is it lack of faith? I can work on that.  Is it restriction of culture?  God's true plans never seem to fit in with the culture anyway.  Why do I question all of these things?  Truth is meant to be lived, and sometimes that really sucks.

My focus has shifted some to the effect and usage of lies.  I can say that people lie more in one circumstance or another, but in a study by Business Ethics Quarterly, my ideas have been proven.  When we are around people that are closer to us in relationship, we often lie to them more.  This is kind of ironic considering that we want the closest people to us to tell us the truth.  Lying can often be increased when one party is given more information than the other.  We can feel secure in lies, one thing that Jesus told us would ruin our foundation.  Society has built this wrong.  You can read the article here.

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=13&hid=1&sid=4bb07e2b-a631-4537-954c-07146e92e79e%40sessionmgr13&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=buh&AN=66804214

In my personal experiences for the day, I have experienced both nothing and many things.  The whole idea of my project hasn't really changed, but some of the situations have.  I had to tell what I truly thought about things in my family and some people seemed shocked.  The funny thing is that I didn't even flinch to tell the truth.  I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

There are many ideas that have circulated about truth throughout history.  Rob Moore gave a good history and definition for all times in history.  This ranges from the very pursuit of truth, even to the extent where all preconceived ideas were thrown aside, including religion.  If you are interested in reading further into the history and definition of truth over time you can read the book online here.

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=2&hid=5&sid=2170c779-4d3d-4630-9463-66d5a4ad9957%40sessionmgr15&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=nlebk&AN=296010

Everyone has things that they have swept under the rug.  I am starting to find some of these things.  How I have felt about family in the past, how I viewed myself in the past, and what I have done to try to manipulate God's plan are just a few things that have come up.  It's funny how this project is starting to have a real impact on my life.  This was a project for english class that has turned into a momentous turn in my life towards the things in the future.  Kinda weird how the simplest ideas can turn the course of your life isn't it?  Since I have started being truthful in all things, life has become complicated for the better.  I would rather hash these things out now rather than later.  There is a purpose for this project and I think I may be starting to see what that may be.

For part of my project I decided to ask some questions of some people on my Lee University campus about what it means to be truthful and what it means to them.  The first question I asked was what the truth meant to them.  It seems to bring some of the people some difficulty defining what the word truth means.  That seems weird as we seem to build our lives upon truth.  As a consensus  most people I talked to defined truth as the absence of lies.  Funny how we define one extreme with the other.  The other question I asked was would you want someone to tell the truth.  As expected, people seem to want to be told the truth.  This is directly contrary to what I have already found.  I'm pretty sure all of the evidence I have collected so far has really solidified my argument that people want to be told the truth unless it would hurt their image.

This weekend, truth is going to mean something extremely intimate to me.  I am taking this time to look as deep inside as I possibly can to find out my personal truths.  This weekend I am going to try to root out all of the things that I have lied to myself about.  Im committed to live the truth that we all claim that we want.

I'm starting to dig into what the truth actually means.  It helps to get some outside ideas and influences in as to not make a biased understanding.  I found some good ideas to bounce off of here

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=13&hid=121&sid=4d312e01-f086-4ac0-a4f1-2b5b0ce06a0d%40sessionmgr104&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=nlebk&AN=23592

Scott here goes into the ins and outs of truth and gives a great perspective on what the truth actually is and what it is used for.

For today, the truth project has not really changed much.  What I am anxious to see is how my family and friends back home will react to this project.  Even more interesting will be how they try to sabotage me and ask everything they can think of.  I kind of can't wait for it.  It will both give me great things to write about and also further me in a journey I have been walking on.  I really hope my fall break at home will be a good one in both rest and truth.

The truth is a hard thing to grasp.  I actually did an interview with a professor of mine, Dr. Fisher.  I asked him about how often we lie with each other and why it matters.  He blatantly stated that from what he has seen, no one really wants to know all of the truth, it is too overwhelming.  We lie all of the time to everyone around us.  Dr. Fisher said that there isn't a day that goes by that we do not lie to someone.

As I was going through the interview notes, I started realizing something.  A lot of this study of mine has been about others and how much they lie.  I started to look inward.  I am not to thrilled at what I have found.  This may or may not be true for everyone, but I have lied to myself in order to protect my envisioned idea of who I'm supposed to be.  I do not always lie to myself in blatant ways, sometime I simply push things in another direction.  I don't like this at all.  It became very evident tonight how much I have lied to myself over the years.  Things that I have lied about include my abilities  my strength, and the very ideas of who God said I am and am going to be.  This will be the next step in this crazy, stupid journey.

White lies play a very large role in our society.  They seem to permeate every crevice of relations between people.  Lies tell others that we are better than we actually are or more put together than we appear to be.  Some of the lies that tell are little ones to save someone's comfort or ideals.  Some of these falsely build our self image.  There are two categories of white lies also.  They are altruistic and Pareto lies.  The altruistic ones just benefit the one telling the lie.  The Pareto lies benefit both parties.  Often, we seem to tell lies that will help both of us.  You can read more into a study of white lies

Questions being asked of me have started to become different.  At the beginning of this project, most of the questions had yes or no answers.  Answering questions was not difficult, they were just weird.  It seems that the game has changed a bit.

Now, the things I am being asked are more about what my motivations are rather than my thoughts.  This is both frightening and intriguing.  I have learned that saying what we want or think is easy.  Giving our reasons behind what we do is both challenging and unnerving.

All of us can simply say what we want.  When we have to think about why, we want these things, a pause follows.  To dig into your heart for why you want something can take a lot of effort and mental strain.

What is unsettling about telling the truth behind our motivations is that we dig into the things that we might not want to see.  Not everything that we do is for an evil desire, probably almost everything that we do is harmless or helpful.  What makes this more difficult for me is that I always have to tell the truth, I can never lie.  Well, thats not the whole truth.  The project says that I can't lie, but I have.  I find that even when I have a truth ideal in mind, I still lie or avoid things for comfort's sake.  That seems like cheating.  That's because it is.  Social ideas seemed to be so ingrained in me that they are really hard to shake.  What I have conflict about is whether or not the absolute, unwavering, and unyielded truth will actually help a situation.

For instance, you don't tell a friend that has suffered a trauma that everything will be alright and expect that what you said will be helpful.  You simply love on that person and reach that later.  However, my problem lies with whether or not to share everything on my heart with someone.  Why would I say everything and maybe burden them beyond what was needed?  How could it benefit someone to uproot what they seem to need right now?  Sometimes, for now, it seems they whole truth sometimes needs to stay a bit hidden.

I wondered how often people lie on a daily basis.  Do they just lie when needed, or is it any time there is an opportunity?  Do we lie if it will help our image? Does religion or beliefs play any role?  There is an article here to give more information.

http://ehis.ebscohost.com/ehost/detail?vid=13&hid=120&sid=6121846f-7497-4e18-ac3d-a3a58e8e2bd9%40sessionmgr113&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZQ%3d%3d#db=buh&AN=46804425

All of these things considered, I guess that I will have some "testing" to do on the "subjects."  By testing, I mean fishing for questions and trying to illicit certain responses.  By subjects, I mean my friends and/or acquaintances   This ought to get interesting.  I wanted to take this experiment beyond just my truth, but into other's truths as well.  That may be where this experience leads to.

My hope is that after awhile, the people around me will also take on this effort of truth.  In all things, my idea is that when truth is exposed, life will exude from every pore.  Pain will ensue, but life will follow.  It's the idea of the pain of birth, or the trials of this life, or the very simple band aid.  For if truth is not left out, hurt and lies will be held.  Life is to be lived by the breath of God, our truth.  So I wonder why we don't just let our lives live out loud?  Is it the shame, the pain, or the fear of misunderstanding?  When we open our eyes, do we fear the light?  Are we to always be withdrawn from the sunlight?  Is truth really what we want, is it really what we need?  If God speaks so much of love and truth, do they not flow together?  How then do we not live both in the same?  We honestly, wholly, and intimately do not wish to be fully shown.  For if we did, we would consider the hurt and the pain and all of the same, that left the mothers estranged and brothers slain, the people lost and the idols found, just rain.  Rain from the sky, life from the light.  The sun that screams from the clouds shining its beauty in the water fresh fallen, will open that flower and we would sprout.  We would open up in heart, spirit, and in mind.  For we are created to be shown, displayed as a lily, not kept as a seed.  For if truth were real in our lives, we would look all like the lilies of the field, broken, wet, but open and His.  For if we do not live in truth, in Him, we are left as next to nothing.  This not by His accord, but ours.  I wonder what life would be like wide open.  I guess I might just find out.

Today was not as bad as yesterday.  I neglected to post yesterday out of my own fatigue and unfocused mind.  However, some interesting things did happen.  Dr. Brown told us that when we informed our friends about our projects, that they would immediately try to sabotage us.  This happened almost instantly with a few of my friends.

As soon as they discovered that I had to tell the truth no matter what, they decided to ask as many awkward questions as possible.  I could not believe what they said.  They asked me things that I shall not repeat...............  Any-who, this project has done some amazing things so far for me in terms of closeness with those around me.  Since I have to tell the truth, people will ask me about anything that they would want to know about me.  Whether it is personal life or beliefs, I get asked about my life constantly.  When this started happening, I started resenting the fact that I would have to tell all about myself.  Now, it is not so bad.  I'm just surprised of how little my friends try to make me answer in things other than just plain awkward.  They know not the power of which they wield.

Today was pretty much the same as it was yesterday.  Not many of my friends know of my project, as i will tell them tomorrow.  The truth was something that i was to observe from other people.  I am finding out that this whole project has made an impact on me more than anyone else so far.

Today, one of my friends asked me questions to things that I would rather not talk about.  The hard part of this project seems to be that i have no idea where the line is between what should be a part of this project, or what should be genuine.  Of course, in all things, i want to be honest.  It is difficult to be genuine with someone at first when you know you have to be.  After that barrier is broken, there is not much in the way.  I will probably continue to have these in depth and meaningful conversations as the month goes on.  

I have to confess that i am slightly concerned with how the essence of this project will play out.  I have no idea if this will be a positive experiment, or if i may lose a few friends or acquaintances.  I decide that this project lays out the fact that i will always tell the truth, not always blurt it out for no reason.  On that, i hold some comfort as i will not seem belligerent or crazy to everyone around me.

This blog is going to be tracking my progress in the pursuit of the truth.  For the next 28 days, I will tell the absolute truth no matter what the circumstance.  I will give an honest opinion no matter the outcome.  The only reserve that I have is if a question could jeopardize someones safety, proper measures will be taken.  Other than that, I will give whatever my real opinion, or actual answer to my knowledge.  Whether this will encourage or discourage someone is totally up to the question and will not temper or change my answer.

This ought to be interesting as I wonder if people really want to know the truth.  Often, people say that they want an honest answer from someone.  I have a sneaking suspicion that this not always the case.  We want to make ourselves and others feel comfortable at the cost of integrity.  This idea will be tested out in the next approximate month.  I cannot wait to see what happens.