One thing that I keep returning to when I delve into the idea of truth is what truth means to me.  I have long considered myself to be somewhat of a lockbox.  Nothing really goes in and not much of anything comes out.  That is simply the way my mind works.  This has also been my defense system.  In a way, this blog has become my outlet.  This is a peek into what my mind does and how it works.  For one, I never can really decipher what is going on inside my head.  There are literally too many things going on at once for me to focus on one thing.  So if my mind is truly focused, then it is both powerful and meaningful.  I have found that amongst the clutter and chaos I have found comfort.  Truth can get lost in the background sometimes.

Imagine a crowded city, not with just people on every corner, but cars honking and squealing breaks, signs vibrantly light in every directions, animals barking and yelling in every direction.  Imagine that even those people, those that are most like you among the chaos, cannot understand what you are saying.  Now, in this fog of information, find a way to communicate truth to someone else.  That is where my mind gets lost trying to find truth.  In the middle of all the different stimuli, try to focus on one thing.  Finding out what one thing means is like trying to read a book aloud in that crowded city.  This is a truth about my mind, and also how truth is lost among the sounds and sirens of everyday life.

This pivotal truth about myself is something that I have only realized recently.  When you hear chaos and confusion long enough, it becomes commonplace to not hear it.  This sounds contradictory, but I have become so accustomed to the idea of chaos, I do not necessarily understand what peace means.  Part of me, deep inside the doldrums of this chaotic city, knew this.  My tattoo means peace.  There has been something inside of me that has always wanted a true peace.  Since I have hardly ever experienced it, I do not expect it.  Since I do not expect it, I try to live without it.  When all of this comes to a head, I get lost in the chaos.  This is the truth that I have to face.  There is more than what I am seeing and experiencing.  I just don't quite know how to learn to listen to truth and quiet the noise around me.  This is my ultimate quest for truth, to learn what peace looks like, because I have never seen it.