One of the biggest reasons that I feel that I lie is to avoid failure or avoid the recognition of failure.  I want to avoid this in any way possible.  I feel as though I should not fail in any circumstance.  This is probably due to the pressures that I put on myself.  I always have been able to do whatever I wanted without much effort involved.  One of those things included school.

I found out how intelligent I was recently.  Before I knew that, I always assumed that I was at a somewhat higher level and put an extreme amount of stress on myself.  If I am smart, I should be able to get an A no matter what right?  This piled on even more when I got a numerical value for my intelligence.  My thought process carried from I should be able to do this, to why in the world can I not do this?  In any case, at this point, if I cannot achieve what I want, or what I expect, even by a small margin, I failed.  I didn't just miss my target, I completely failed.  I am so hard on myself that it is ridiculous.

This idea of perfection also carries over into my physical expectations of what I can do.  I should be able to lift more, run more, do more.  Any time someone near my skill level does better than me, I have failed.  I know this is completely irrational, but it is what goes through my mind.  It's so weird that failure plays such a huge role in my life.  It's almost as if because I know I'm at a higher level in thinking, I should be able to do anything.

This seems completely stupid writing this out.  It also explains how I get frustrated so easily.  I'm going to reread this article I found to maybe get a logical perspective on how failure actually plays a role in people's life and mine specifically.

http://0-ehis.ebscohost.com.library.acaweb.org/eds/detail?vid=14&hid=117&sid=16329bd4-6bf5-4cd1-9d84-7fe594e7fde2%40sessionmgr113&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmU%3d#db=pdh&AN=2011-25193-001